Old stories tell, how Hercules
A dragon slew at Lerna,
With seven heads, and fourteen eyes,
To see and well discern-a:
But he had a club, this dragon to drub,
Or he had ne' er done it, I warrant ye;
But More of More Hall, with nothing at all,
He slew the dragon of Wantley.

This dragon had two furious wings,
Each one upon each shoulder;
With a sting in his tail, as long as a flail,
Which made him bolder and bolder.
He had long claws, and in his jaws
Four and forty teeth of iron;
With a hide as tough as any buff,
Which did him round environ.

Have you not heard how the Trojan horse
Held seventy men in his belly?
This dragon was not quite so big,
But very near, I tell ye.
Devoured he poor children three,
That could not with him grapple;
And at one sup he ate them up,
As one would eat an apple.
All sorts of cattle this dragon did eat,
Some say he ate up trees,
And that the forest sure he would
Devour up by degrees;
For houses and churches were to him geese and turkies;
He ate all, and left none behind,
But some stones, dear Jack, which he could not crack,
Which on the hills you will find.

In Yorkshire, near fair Rotherham,
The place I know it well;
Some two or three miles, or thereabouts,
I vow I cannot tell;
But there is a hedge, just on the hill's edge,
And Matthew's house hard by it;
There and then was this dragon's den,
You could not chuse but spy it.

Some say, this dragon was a witch;
Some say, he was a devil,
For from his nose a smoke arose,
And with it burning snivel,
Which he cast off, when he did cough,
In a well that he did stand by;
Which made it look just like a brook
Running with burning brandy.

Hard by a furious knight there dwelt,
Of whom all towns did ring,
For he could wrestle, play at quarter-staff, kick, cuff and huff,
Call son of a whore, do anything more;
By the tail and the mane, with his hands twain,
He swung a horse till he was dead;
And that which is stranger, he for very anger
Ate him all up but his head.

These children, as I told, being eat,
Men, women, girls and boys,
Sighing and sobbing, came to his lodging,
And made a hideous noise:
'O save us all, More of More Hall,
Thou peerless knight of these woods;
Do but slay this dragon, who won't leave us a rag on,
We'll give thee all our goods.'

'Tut, tut,' quoth he, 'no goods I want;
But I want, I want, in sooth,
A fair maid of sixteen, that's brisk and keen,
With smiles about the mouth;
Hair black as sloe, skin white as snow,
With blushes her cheeks adorning;
To anoint me o'er night, e'er I go to fight,
And to dress me in the morning.'

This being done, he did engage
To hew the dragon down;
But first he went, new armour to
Bespeak at Sheffield town;
With spikes all about, not within but without,
Of steel so sharp and strong;
Both behind and before, arms, legs, and all o'er,
Some five or six inches long.

Had you but seen him in this dress,
How fierce he looked and how big,
You would have thought him for to be
Some Egyptian porcupig.
He frighted all, cats, dogs and all,
Each cow, each horse and each hog;
For fear they did flee, for they took him to be
Some strange, outlandish hedgehog.

To see this fight, all people then
Got up on trees and houses,
On churches some, and chimneys too,
But these put on their trousers,
Not to spoil their hose. As soon as he rose,
To make him strong and mighty,
He drank by the tale six pots of ale,
And a quart of aqua-vitae.

It is not strength that always wins,
For wit doth strength excell;
Which made our cunning champion
Creep down into a well,
Where he did think this dragon would drink,
And so he did in truth;
And as he stooped low, he rose up and cried 'Boh!'
And hit him in the mouth.

'Oh,' quoth the dragon, 'pox take thee, come out,
Thou disturbst me in my drink.'
And then he turned, and shat at him ¬
Good lack! How he did stink!
'Beshrew thy soul, thy body's foul,
Thy dung smells not like balsam;
Thou son of a whore, thou stinkest so sore,
Sure thy diet is unwholesome.'

Our politic knight, on the other side,
Crept out upon the brink,
And gave the dragon such a douse
He knew not what to think.
'By cock,' quoth he, 'say you so, do you see?'
And then at him he let fly
With hand and foot, and so they went to't,
And the word was 'Hey, boys, hey!'

'Your words,' quoth the dragon, 'I don't understand.'
Then to it they fell at all
Like two boars so fierce, if I may
Compare great things with small.
Two days and a night, with this dragon did fight
Our champion on this ground;
Though their strength it was great, their skill it was neat,
They never had one wound.

At length the hard earth began to quake,
The dragon gave him a knock,
Which made him to reel, and straightaway he thought
To lift him as high as a rock,
And thence let him fall. But More of More Hall
Like a valiant son of Mars,
As he came like a lout, so he turned him about,
And hit him a kick on the arse.

'Oh,' quoth the dragon, with a deep sigh,
And turned six times together,
Sobbing and tearing, cursing and swearing,
Out of his throat of leather;
'More of More Hall! Oh thou rascal!
Would I had seen thee never!
With the thing at thy foot, thou hast prick'd my arse-gut,
And I'm quite undone for ever.

'Murder, murder!' the dragon cried,
'Alack, alack for grief!
Had you but missed that place, you could
Have done me no mischief
Then his head he shaked, trembled and quaked,
And down he laid and cried;
First on one knee, then on back tumbled he,
So groaned, kicked, shat, and died.

First recorded in the 1699 edition of Wit and Mirth: Or, Pills to Purge Melancholy.